For a searcher I need to look deeper

Greetings, to anyone who might see this blog.  I am reinstating my old travel blog as inspired by a colleague.  For anyone who knows me, I often pride myself on being a wanderer; a searcher of new ideas, lessons and information.  Strength finder tests in the professional world label it as Intellection, in my spiritual life it is often called the spiritual journey and emotionally it is simply called lost.  While some of these "labels" have happier connotations than others, it all gets to the core of how I identify myself as being someone that looks for new information, enjoys new destinations and challenges and is always willing to try new things just to see what I learn.

I inundate myself with new hobbies, a browser bookmark full of blogs, stacks of self-help books and podcasts of self-improvement, life lessons and journeys of personal growth.  I love the idea that I can learn a lesson from life simply by reading it or hearing it.  Mostly, I enjoy hearing the stories of others and even their smallest positive revelation or forceful punch to the stomach that leads to self-discovery.

Tonight I had one of my many life lessons and I find myself having the courage to share it.  For those of you who know me, I am not a fan of TV, pop culture and certainly embody an old soul personality. I often dismiss items such as current social (excluding political) events as I choose to not find the relevancy of such happenings to my own life.  In fact, tonight I verbally let it be known to my dearest husband that I fear a life in which the TV and similar mechanisms of mediocre distraction, take over my free time.  By vocalizing my isolated opinion, I in fact created a wall of judgement and separation between us.

Let me just tell you now that how I handled the situation was far from ideal.  Not surprisingly, after the tiff I went online to see what new blog posts came into my awareness that could give me greater insight as to my feelings, reactions and behaviors. What I found was an article entitled, "30 life lessons for people in their 30s."  While I am not yet 30, I found this very enticing and immediately opened the bulleted list of items 1-30.  If I am to be honest and look deeper, one of the real reasons I love reading blogs and books is that typically the "lessons" are numbered and written within one sentence presented in bold on the page.  This format is convenient for someone (like me) who wants to learn the lesson without actually reading (or living) the details of what the author went through the learn the lesson.

Nevertheless, against my pattern of behavior to read it, feel better about myself and move on, I decided to soak up one lesson in particular - "Life is a mirror of you."  What you like about other people is what you like about yourself and what you do not like about other people is what you don't like about yourself.  Being a social worker, there was no other natural action than to overanalyze how this applies to my life, both in the present moment and since childhood.

My thoughts included the following complex pattern.  If I do not like behaviors of individuals who watch TV then I don't like such behaviors about myself.  Why don't I like those behaviors?  It could stem from having a father who spent most of his time isolated in another room throughout my childhood.  Or -if I dig really deep within myself instead of outwardly blaming others - it could stem from my own beliefs of the type of people that watch a lot of TV.  Like LEGOs I have trained my brain to think that people who watch TV tend to be placed within one section or area within a LEGO set - namely, they are uninteresting and generally complacent in life.

You might be telling yourself, WHOA! what a stretch Jaclyn.  Well this actually makes sense why I have a negative opinion of it, as one of my deepest fears and worries is to be dull and uneventful with life, hence the searcher personality!  Bingo, this is generally referred to as self-actualization within human psychology.  My most admired behaviors reflect my incessant need to be a human GOing or human DOing rather than a human BEing.  These actions reflect my general avoidance of self-reflection and resistance to learning my own dirty, unpleasant life lessons but rather prefer to learn vicariously through people that I have no actual relationship with.

My point being if I practice playing with LEGOs or allowing them to just BE within LEGO land and not have to move and always fight for adventure, I will soften my negative experiences of myself and therefore my negative perceptions of others.  In fact, to quote another blog that I recently read, "we cannot control the actions of others, but only our reactions to it."

I have traveled the world and completed feats that individuals twice my age might never get to do.  I am very privilege and at this point in my life, having a TV, watching movies, maybe even playing video games is just the challenge I need for myself, since I truly want to look deeper.

**I am posting again on this blog because I recently had lunch with a colleague who reminded me that while learning from other people is valuable, if we don't stop and think about our own experiences it will create in a gap in what we can truly learn.  In fact, I have been thinking about posting to this blog not only as a way for me to share my own experiences and lessons, but also in the hope that others may read it and begin to feel any sense of community or similarity amongst all of us as humans.

Beginning of a new Journey

Hello all!
Long time with no post, while I have been living in MN and working up North I am sure most of you now know that I am about to embark upon another journey. I will leave for Denver, CO in one week from today, the beginning of September. I am about to begin a masters program in International Community Social Work at DU. It is a 2 year program, that is experiential in which I will be spending 2 days a week in the classroom and 2 at an internship with a local Charter School. Excited does not even begin to describe my feelings for this adventure. It will be another whirlwind, but one that I am prepared for and ready to experience! Peace and love everyone.

I'll be home for Christmas

Hello everyone. In case you have not heard yes indeed I will be home for Christmas. I was just recently (yesterday) medically seperated from Peace Corps. Which means that I am coming home because I was just so dang sick here. I hope to see and hear from you all soon so please contact me and keep in touch. And remember, just because my Gambian experience is coming to an end it does not mean the adventure is ending....

Update on the Gambia, coming up on year 2!

Hello everybody, I thought since I am slacking so much on blogging I would give an update. I understand that most of my blogs are not very informative, but those of you who want to remain updated tend to write me letters of which I respond. Thank you for all the packages and letters of love, I appreciate them very much.
First bit is the yesterday I took the GRE in Banjul. I am trying to maintain some sense of a life after Peace Corps because eventually it will come. I want to be ready and since it is extremely difficult to get things done quickly while living here I thought one less thing to worry about. I went with several other volunteers and to my surprise there was one Gambian university student who took it as well. He was obviously intelligent with a background in Chemistry, but it still got me thinking about the American education system versus that here in the Gambia.
Granted, my Wolof is not great at all and there are many times everyday when I can not truly express what I want to with my words, or I have to say I feel tired instead of stressed, but overall I am extremely thankful to speak English as my first language. Some of the questions on that test were words I did not know, some I simply did not remember and some I have never heard of before. I am personally thankful to have studied in the American school system where a 4 hour standardized test, although grueling is normal and expected. It is not the first one I have taken. However, for many education systems that rarely take tests and never 4 hours ones I felt a bit of sympathy for. For those Gambians that successfully go to university or graduate school in the U.S. congratulations. It brings with it so many more challenges that I now understand.
In other news on November 6th my group and I will have been in country for 1 year, which means we are almost 1/2 way done with our service. It is crazy to think about. Although on 120 degree days where the heat brings a haze to the air, time tended to drag on and some days seemed like weeks, there were also weeks that seemed like they flew by. Now in retrospect the first year seems to have gone by quickly. Even though it went is almost over I am extremely happy to be in my second year. For several reasons; I feel like now I have a better understanding about how the system works and the culture and little challenges will now become norms to me. I feel that even though my language is not great, I still have a base in which to communicate with people. I am mostly excited about work. I hope to launch into it and now that I know who my motivated counterparts are, I can hopefully compliment the work they are already doing well. This is all very idealistic, but none the less, it is exciting to realize that soon enough I will be counting down months.
Several things I am looking forward to: Tobaski, a huge Islamic holiday falls around my birthday so I hope to do something fun for that in November. In addition, we will have another all-volunteer conference in November where all volunteers get together to discuss work and life here. In December I hope to take a mini-vacation. I would really like to go to Mali so that would be fun to look forward to. I currently work with a Bambara from Mali who is a marabout (traditional healer), he is from Mali and always talks about its beauty.
Mostly I am just excited for the cool season which will be coming in November, cooler nights when I need a blanket and a jacket to keep warm. Nights where people light a fire to keep warm before dinner. Nights when I will see my breath as I try to bathe in the cool evening air.
I know this is not super informative and it seems impossible to give a really detailed description of my life lately. Just know I am thinking of every one of you and appreciate your continued interest in my work and life here. Happy Halloween!

Festivals...Work....Breaking Fast

Left: My younger brother Ibu hard at work. He is training to become a tailor so he has a foot-pump sowing machine in our village to practice.

Below: My 'niece' Fa Sowe. She is almost 3 and all dolled up for the Prayer day. We slaughtered a goat and she is looking on...

Me in my Gambian complet. All Gambians wear colorful fabric and get new skirt and shirts for holidays. The end of Ramadan was marked with a huge 3 day celebration beginning with prayer day, also known as Koriteh. People prayed in the morning and then ate lots of meat and good food for the rest of the day. It was like eating more than thanksgiving, people just kept eating because for the first time in one month, they could.
I was busy and not able to go get my own fabric so I had my host-mom Fatou go pick it out for me. I put it on and immediately felt like a Christmas ornament. I guess I am just missing the tinsle. Overall, it was a good holiday but I am happy people are no longer fasting, the end of Ramadan also marks the approach of the cooler season here.

Pictures!

This is me with my mom on the left and the kids Binta and Abilay. I have something wrapped around my waist and that is Ousman! (a baby)

The right is of girls in my village getting together to pound nette. It is a fruit within a pod that comes from trees in our area. You have to de pod them and then pound, sift, and wash them before sale. We gave them juice in exchange for their help because there was so much to do.

My mom Fatou who is sifting the Nette. The pounded part of the fruit creates this yellow dust - which gets everywhere.

This is me and my main counterpart Maline. We are transplanting trees and the nursery! Yay for reforestation!

These are just a few pictures of my life here in the rainy season where everything is green.

I hope you enjoy them and please feel free to send a letter if you want to know more.

Morocco and thoughts....

Hello everyone-

I went to Morocco for my first vacation from the Gambia. There were some highs and there were some lows and it was not a vacation but more so an adventure. I went to Madrid Spain and we traveled to Fes, a PCV (peace corps volunteer) village in the mountains and went to Marrakesh. Enjoy!This is a typical doorway of a mosque in Fes. The details are amazing!

Oh how much I love and miss mountains! They are truely amazing! We - my friend Sheila who I went with - and the PCV climbed it and camped at the top. It was really amazing!

Sheila and I went into an art gallery and when I saw this painting it really represented what I think of now that I have been to Morocco. The women are all veiled, only the young girls do not have to wear the full burka. It was simply a see of faces with eyes looking out at me.

Oh course went ended our trip in Spain! This is a beautiful cathedral in Malaga Spain.

Two countries so close to each other and yet so completely different. How does the world manage to be as diverse as it is? Despite all of the travel that a human being can physically experience, how do people manage to adapt to other cultures so effectively? Well, after being in the Gambia for 8 months I now realize that there are different levels of integration and adaptation. Some things come easily enough like the smile and hug of a child and others are difficult and at times can even seem impossible. For those moments when life seems impossible I want to thank my family and friends for their love and support. Without it I would be a bird without wings.